Welcome to Crookshire Brothers!
Where Yesterday’s Groceries Cost Tomorrow’s Paycheck!
Moldy Produce, Just How You Like It: Why settle for fresh when you can enjoy a unique bouquet of fuzz? Our veggies come with that special “aged” touch, perfect for anyone who enjoys a little extra texture in their salad.
Aged Meats, Literally: At Crookshire Brothers, we don’t just offer aged meats—we offer ancient meats. Who needs a dry-aged steak when you can get a piece of history at a 50% markup?
Expired and Pricier: Why pay less for fresh when you can pay more for the thrill of rolling the dice on that expiration date? At Crookshire Brothers, we believe in the excitement of grocery roulette—what doesn’t kill you might just save you a trip to the doctor!
Inflation, But Make It Extra: Yes, our prices are 25-50% higher than those other chains, but that’s because we offer the experience of shopping with us—the sticky floors, the dim lighting, and the mystery smells are all part of the charm!
Limited Time Offers: Hurry in before that yogurt walks away on its own! Crookshire Brothers—the only place where we dare you to eat what you buy.
Crookshire Brothers—Where Overpriced and Overripe Meet!
Because who needs fresh when you can have a real adventure?