Author: Captain Sarcastic
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Ex-City Dwellers Support Group – Initial Meeting
Date: Saturday Time: 10:00 AM Location: Camp Branch Acres Community Center (aka, side of boat ramp) Hosted by: The “That’s Not How We Did It Where I Came From” Committee Attention New Neighbors! Are you new to Camp Branch Acres and feeling a bit… out of place? Do you find yourself wondering why there’s no…
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Welcome to Dead Man’s Curve: A Halloween Treat Gone Horribly Wrong!
Camp Branch Acres residents, get ready for a spine-tingling experience this Halloween season, but not from ghosts or goblins—no, the real fright comes from the latest architectural wonder that has transformed our charming neighborhood into a vehicular nightmare. What was once a festive spot for scarecrows, pumpkins, and Instagram-worthy moments is now the scene of…
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Speeding to Disaster in Hawg Heaven
Dear “Distinguished” Citizens of Camp Branch Acres and Our Adoring Fans at Hawg Heaven, Well, well, well. It seems that in the absence of us slow, considerate Camp Branch Acres drivers, the peaceful, orderly streets of Hawg Heaven have transformed into a racetrack of sheer chaos (see original story: https://campbranchacres.org/2024/07/speeding-issues-in-hawg-heaven/ ) Who could have seen…
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Camp Branch Acres Tsunami Awareness Day
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the first-ever Camp Branch Acres Tsunami Awareness Day! Grab your life jackets and those inflatable pool toys you’ve been saving for summer because Little Lake is ready to show you what it’s made of—and no, we don’t mean its stagnant water and abandoned fishing poles. For those of you who’ve…
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CALLING ALL VOLUNTEERS: THE GREAT CAMP BRANCH ACRES MAILBOX PROJECT!
CALLING ALL VOLUNTEERS: THE GREAT CAMP BRANCH ACRES MAILBOX PROJECT! Hold on to your hats, residents of Camp Branch Acres! We’re rallying the troops for a project so monumental, so immense, that it will take the might of our entire community to bring it to fruition. What’s that, you ask? Oh, just the small matter…
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Stop Wasting Money on Gas: Never Leave Your House
Frugal living experts have just unveiled the ultimate money-saving strategy: simply never leave your house. Forget carpooling, public transportation, or even biking. The key to saving big on gas is staying home. “Since I’ve stopped leaving the house, I haven’t bought gas in months,” said devoted budgeter, Stubby Manygoats. “I’m sitting on so much extra…
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Pave the Way Forward: Camp Branch Acres Road Work Clinic
Greetings, residents of Camp Branch Acres! This Saturday, we’re rolling out an exciting opportunity for the able-bodied and enthusiastic members of our community: the inaugural Road Work Clinic. It’s a perfect chance for those who’ve focused on community politics, victimhood theater, or social debates to channel their energy into something tangibly beneficial—road repair! Event Insights:…
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Updated: Taco Bueno Turned Out to be No Bueno, But McAlister’s is Very Bueno!
Updated 8/29/2024: I always love it when something good comes out of something gone wrong. In a huge win for Livingston, it’s been discovered that McAlister’s Deli will be taking the place of the not so upscale Taco Bueno. With a menu like this, it’s all good! https://www.mcalistersdeli.com/menu Also on it’s way to Livingston is…
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Kelle’s Texas-Sized Power Trip: Trying to Boot Board Members and Trample on Independence
In a move that smacks more of authoritarian overreach than the independent spirit that defines the Lone Star State, Kelle, the self-proclaimed President of the Camp Branch Acres Property Owners Association, has taken it upon herself to try to force two board members off the board. Yes, you heard that right. In Texas, the land…
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Desperate Dictator: What’s Coming Next?
Attention, Camp Branch Acres residents! The battle is far from over. Our beloved leader, Kelle Mahme, is not one to surrender her iron grip on the reins of power so easily. As the self-appointed queen of “her” community, she has fought tooth and nail to keep Jerry O’Toole’s road plan from seeing the light of…
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Finger-Pointing or Felonies? Nurse Ratched’s Cybersecurity Drama Unpacked
Attention, Camp Branch Acres Property Owners! Buckle up, because this one’s a doozy. Nurse Ratched has graced us with a Facebook post that’s packed with so much critical information, you might need a flowchart just to keep up. It’s a tale of hacking, FBI complaints, and the type of drama that only Camp Branch Acres…
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Dudley Dumbass Proposes Facebook Muzzle for Official Camp Branch Acres Facebook group
Ah, Dudley Dumbass, your Canadian upbringing must have left you a bit out of touch with how we handle free speech here in the land of the free. Sure, let’s give Kelle Mahme the perfect tools all fascists dream of: a platform to decree from on high without the pesky nuisance of discussion. I know…
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Breaking News: Cody Yawn Suspended by Nurse Ratched!
Well, folks, it’s a sad day in Camp Branch Acres. The font of all our entertainment and community insights, Cody Yawn, has been silenced by none other than Nurse Ratched herself. Oh, where, oh where will we find our daily dose of logical inconsistencies, paranoid fantasies, and delusions of grandeur now? In the immortal words…
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Leadership: It Went From Bad to Pathetic in Camp Branch Acres
The leadership in Camp Branch Acres has hit a new low, epitomized by the actions and demeanor of Kelle Rahm, the head and chairwoman of the board of directors of the Camp Branch Acres POA. Despite the expectations that come with her position, Kelle Rahm has displayed a shocking lack of professionalism and respect for…
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The Art of the Handshake: A Satirical Tribute to Kody
In the grand theater of life, certain characters stand out not for their virtues, but for their peculiar blend of vices. Among these luminaries, one name rises above the rest: Kody, the undisputed champion of the manly handshake. Kody’s handshake is not just a greeting; it’s a performance, a spectacle of machismo that leaves one…
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Tragic End for Retired Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles After Biblical Rainstorm
In a shockingly avoidable turn of events, the beloved Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, who had retired from their crime-fighting days in New York City, met an untimely and needless end due to a catastrophic flood triggered by an unprecedented biblical rainstorm. The Turtles had chosen a small, tranquil pond beneath an old dam in Camp…