Ex-City Dwellers Support Group – Initial Meeting

Date: Saturday

Time: 10:00 AM

Location: Camp Branch Acres Community Center (aka, side of boat ramp)

Hosted by: The “That’s Not How We Did It Where I Came From” Committee

Attention New Neighbors! Are you new to Camp Branch Acres and feeling a bit… out of place? Do you find yourself wondering why there’s no 5G coverage in the middle of the woods or why folks are waving at you every time they pass by? If so, you’re not alone!

We are excited to announce the formation of the Ex-City Dwellers Support Group—a space for you to share your thoughts, adjust to rural life, and meet others who have also swapped skyscrapers for pine trees. Our logo says it all: “That’s Not How We Did It Where I Came From.”

Join us for our initial meeting to get acquainted and share your experiences!

Agenda for the First Meeting:

• 1. Welcome & Introductions
• Introduce yourself, where you came from, and the biggest surprise since moving to Camp Branch Acres. Bonus points for funniest city-to-country transition stories!
• 2. Open Discussion: “Where Are the Conveniences?”
• Topics include:”Can we petition to bring Uber here?”
  • “How do you wave at neighbors without committing to an entire conversation?”
  • “Why is there only one grocery store, and why does it close so early?”
  • “Do we really have to wave at everyone?”
  • “Is it normal for mail to take three weeks to arrive?”
  • “How do I politely explain the need for a Starbucks?”
  • “Surviving Without City Infrastructure: A California Perspective”
  • Phil will provide invaluable insight into adjusting expectations, from traffic to road repairs, and why it’s best to embrace gravel roads and low expectations for package delivery.
• 3. Brainstorm Session: “Solutions to Our Urban Withdrawal”
  • Group brainstorm for potential solutions, including:
    • Carpooling to the nearest city for real coffee.
    • Convincing Amazon to start a drone delivery program.
    • How to smile and nod when Tractor Tim waves at 6 a.m.
• 4. Closing Remarks & Next Steps
  • Set date for next meeting
  • Assign a committee to work on the ongoing “Bring Civilization to Camp Branch Acres” initiative.
  • Distribute custom “That’s Not How We Did It Where I Came From” T-shirts and bumper stickers. T-Shirts may be purchased on a website – oh, wait, never mind – it’s down.
• Refreshments will be provided (but don’t expect kombucha or cold brew).

And of course, there’s always the debate about the proper way to fix the potholed roads—a sore spot between the ex-city dwellers and the long-time residents. Pedantic Phil is expected to take charge of these discussions, quoting obscure traffic studies and urban planning laws from California.

The locals, led by characters like Tractor Tim and Redneck Robby, have taken a special interest in the group. “I reckon they’ll get used to our ways…eventually,” Robby smirked. “Or they’ll just keep havin’ those fancy support meetings, bless their hearts.”

But for now, the Ex-City Dwellers Support Group continues to provide solace to the newcomers—helping them navigate the muddy waters (sometimes literally) of small-town life, one complaint at a time.

We expect this will be the first and last meeting of this support group – as those that attend discover that support groups up here aren’t at all like the ones in Houston / Austin / Dallas / California.