Camp Branch Acres Tsunami Awareness Day

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the first-ever Camp Branch Acres Tsunami Awareness Day! Grab your life jackets and those inflatable pool toys you’ve been saving for summer because Little Lake is ready to show you what it’s made of—and no, we don’t mean its stagnant water and abandoned fishing poles.

For those of you who’ve been blissfully unaware, we live in the shadow of an out-of-compliance dam. Yes, you heard right: the TCEQ inspectors have come and gone, much like the promises of road repairs and transparent bookkeeping. But today, we focus on a different looming disaster—one that could wash away all our worries (and homes) in a literal wave of consequences.

Little Lake’s Big Potential

Now, let’s address the elephant—or rather, the wave—in the room. What would happen if that trusty earthen dam, with more leaks than a politician’s office, finally gave in to the forces of nature? Tsunami! That’s right, folks, Little Lake could become the surprise star of the apocalypse, sending waves downstream to unsuspecting residents.

Just imagine it: A wall of water cresting above your driveway, sweeping away your trash cans, lawn gnomes, and all your carefully written complaint letters to the POA. For the lucky few who survive, you’ll get a brand-new lakefront property (or double lakefront), no additional cost to you! Except maybe your insurance premiums.

Prepare for the Worst, Hope for the Best

In the spirit of this noble day, here are a few community tips on how to prepare for Tsunami Awareness Day:

1. Get a Canoe: Inflatable kayaks will do, but we recommend something sturdier. You know, for when you need to navigate that once-quaint pond that will soon rival the Amazon River.
2. Pack Your Essentials: Don’t forget to include life-sustaining items like bottled water, granola bars, and your POA dues receipts. After all, you’ll need proof of payment when the water comes for your house.
3. Sandbags, Sandbags, Sandbags: If your road hasn’t been fixed, and let’s face it—it hasn’t—you may already have a head start on this one. Just stack them up and hope they can withstand a tsunami powered by the collapse of our beloved Little Lake dam.
4. Practice Your Survival Pose: You know, the one where you cling to a floating log while looking heroic. Bonus points if you can manage a sarcastic smile for the inevitable news helicopter flying overhead.

The Real Flood: Stubby’s Lake Level Shenanigans

Let’s not forget that the April flooding, which left much of the community under water, could have been significantly less devastating if not for our favorite local celebrity, Stubby. In his quest to win over a handful of loyal fishermen, Stubby had Little Lake’s water level high—just in time for the incoming storms. Nothing screams popular like an artificially high lake during a heavy rainfall, right?

Thanks to that brilliant decision, what could have been a manageable storm turned into something out of Waterworld, leaving the roads to suffer massive washouts and the community scrambling. Of course, FEMA stepped in, and those recipients—the unsung heroes—ended up fixing the roads that Kelle Mahme couldn’t. Oh no, she had other priorities.

Kelle’s Real Mission

While the dam remains one gust of wind away from catastrophe, Kelle Mahme has been hard at work—just not on anything related to public safety or infrastructure. No, no, her energies have been focused on deep negotiations with none other than Stubby himself. Not to discuss the imminent hazards of the dam, mind you, but to figure out how to saddle the POA with the long-term cost of repairing and maintaining that crumbling pile of concrete!

Because what’s better than paying for something you never wanted in the first place? That’s right: paying for it forever! The idea is simple: let’s stretch out our POA dues and resources to cover every defect of the dam, while ignoring things like roads, mailboxes, or—you know—community safety.

The POA Response: Shrug It Off

Rumor has it that the Camp Branch Acres POA has been diligently meeting behind closed doors to “address” the dam issue. Unfortunately, their plan so far seems to involve little more than posting on Facebook to the residents a ‘thoughts and prayers’ template while distributing pamphlets about how “Nature’s Fury is Out of Our Hands.”

Kelle Mahme was last seen telling residents that although the dam’s condition is regrettable, the real culprit is FEMA for not swooping in to rebuild it for us, free of charge. Meanwhile, Pedantic Phil has been posting memes about how the dam isn’t that bad if you look at it from a certain angle (that angle being from five miles away).

Conclusion: Embrace the Wave

So as we mark this inaugural Tsunami Awareness Day, let’s all take a moment to reflect on the unpredictable majesty of water and the highly predictable incompetence of dam maintenance. We may not be able to stop the wave, but at least we can surf it with a smile—or maybe a sarcastic grin as wide as the floodwaters themselves.

Stay safe, or at least stay dry!